Search Sort Posts:  Oldest to newest Newest to oldest

02-05-2007, 08:01 PM Jedidiah777 Joined on 02-22-2006 Posts 781 Re: Competition of a nation Competition of a nation The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world. One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms. The Russians found the biggest meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. The used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were five inches thick and nobody could get near it. "When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog. "When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund leaned up and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog. The Russians came up to the Americans shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler dogs in the world and the biggest meanest Siberian wolves." "That's nothing", an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years trying to make an alligator look like a Dachshund.'"    Report

03-04-2007, 08:05 PM wildsyrian Joined on 03-04-2007 Posts 10 Re: what's wrong?  sureee wrote: yalla someting funny Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because,as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands ....... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 Rate One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink She noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and asked, Why are some of your hairs white, Momma?" Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this for a while and then asked, "Momma, how come ALL of Grandma's hairs are white?" A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you are stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, little Johnny stood up. The teacher was surprised, but realized this was an opportune moment to help a child. "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?" she asked. "No, ma'am," Johnny replied, "but I hated to see you standing there all by yourself!"   I like the last one...so funny    Report

03-09-2007, 07:39 PM Jedidiah777 Joined on 02-22-2006 Posts 781 Re: what's wrong? Camping and seeing stars Scott and Tom went camping. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Scott wakes his friend and says, "Tom, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Tom replies, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" asked Scott. Tom ponders for a minute, then says, - "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. - Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. - Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. - Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small, and insignificant. - Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Scott?" Scott is silent for a moment, then says, "Tom, you fool, someone has stolen our tent."    Report

03-11-2007, 09:27 PM sureee Joined on 11-20-2005 Posts 409 Re: what's wrong?  Jedidiah777 wrote: Camping and seeing stars Scott and Tom went camping. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Scott wakes his friend and says, "Tom, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Tom replies, "I see millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" asked Scott. Tom ponders for a minute, then says, - "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. - Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. - Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. - Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small, and insignificant. - Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Scott?" Scott is silent for a moment, then says, "Tom, you fool, someone has stolen our tent." theoretically it's a very nice one خبز وحشيش وقمر    Report

05-28-2007, 12:38 AM Jedidiah777 Joined on 02-22-2006 Posts 781 Re: what's wrong? Not sure, if I have shared this before, if so, pls disregard. Well, some lines seem familiar to me as a "smart user"... copy/paste/share Tips From Your I.T. Department When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages from here. When an I.T. person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to remember 300 screen saver passwords. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your mail because your computer won't power on at all. Ask us if we got taught how to use a computer in High School... the teachers at High School are responsible for everything we ever learned about computers. When I.T. support sends you an E-Mail marked "high importance," delete it at once. We're just testing. When an I.T. person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill your guts right out. We exist only to serve. Send urgent email in all uppercase. The mail server picks it up and flags it as a rush delivery. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's electronics in it. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer support. We can fix your telephone line from here. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call computer support. We're collectors. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an I.T. person's chair with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love a puzzle. When an I.T. person tells you that computer screens don't have cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument. When an I.T. person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?" That motivates us. When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times. Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all 68 printers in the company. One of them is bound to work. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly what you mean by "my thingy blew up." Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog, lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed to have 20kg of computer sitting on top of them. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin crumbs and nail clippings in them. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button as fast as you can. Heck, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it, would you? When you find an I.T. person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited on the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have any money to speak of anyway. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know 'nothing about that computer garbage." We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional expertise referred to as garbage. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call I.T. support. Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and Hewlett-Packard recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with a master's degree in nuclear physics. When you can't find someone in the government directory, call I.T. Support. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call I.T. Support. We love to hack. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a third party who doesn't know anything about the problem. When you receive a 30mb (huge) movie file, send it to everyone as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller chunks. Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue. When an I.T. person gets on the elevator pushing $100,000 worth of computer equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that cracks us up no end. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company. People out in Pofadder like to keep abreast of what's going on. When you bump into an I.T. person at the grocery store on a Saturday, ask a computer question. We do weekends. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your own. Computer names are just a cosmetic feature. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and drivers somewhere. We don't really believe that you're a bunch of ungrateful twits. It hurts our feelings that you could even think such a thing. We wish to express our deepest gratitude to the hundreds of clueless losers portrayed herein, without whom none of this would have been remotely possible. Keep it crashing!    Report

05-28-2007, 10:54 PM sureee Joined on 11-20-2005 Posts 409 Re: what's wrong?  Jedidiah777 wrote: soo lovely thx but i think i've read this somewhere befor!!!!!       kidding خبز وحشيش وقمر    Report

06-12-2007, 11:12 PM Jedidiah777 Joined on 02-22-2006 Posts 781 Re: what's wrong? If Microsoft Had Been The First To Invent Books Before you can open the cover of your new book, you must obtain a book activation code by phoning Microsoft. Sorry, only one person may ever read your book. It's full of spelling mistakes and typos. When you're reading your book, the type can mysteriously disappear. Libraries, which are for sharing books, are illegal. You must acknowledge you have read and understood the Book License Agreement Hype (BLAH) before you can read your book. Microsoft has the right to enter your premises to conduct book inspections to make sure your book is being read in accordance with the BLAH. The Book Users' Group General Alliance (BUGGA) calculates that the annual loss of revenues to Microsoft arising from BLAH violations in 2003 was $10.97 billion. There are two versions of your book - the "Standard" and the "Pro" versions. In the standard version, those pages containing the most useful information have been stuck together. Confidential information is inexplicably in bigger type that can be easily read by anyone glancing over your shoulder.    Report

06-15-2007, 05:57 PM Jedidiah777 Joined on 02-22-2006 Posts 781 Re: what's wrong? Perfect Couple Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing  question is: Who was the survivor? Scroll down for the answer... The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke. Men keep'a scrollin'... So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.    Report

06-23-2007, 11:05 PM Jedidiah777 Joined on 02-22-2006 Posts 781 Re: what's wrong? Job Assignment Procedure How to Properly Place NEW EMPLOYEES: Put 400 bricks in a closed room. Put your new hires in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours. Then analyze the situation: If they are counting the bricks, put them in the Accounting Department. If they are recounting them, put them in Auditing. If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks, put them in Engineering. If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, put them in Planning. If they are throwing the bricks at each other, put them in Operations. If they are sleeping, put them in Security. If they have broken the bricks into pieces, put them in Information Technology If they are sitting idle, put them in Human Resources. If they say they have tried different combinations, they are looking for more, yet not a brick has been moved, put them in Sales. If they have already left for the day, put them in Marketing. If they are staring out of the window, put them in Strategic Planning. If they are talking to each other, and not a single brick has been moved, congratulate them and put them in Top Management. Finally, if they have surrounded themselves with bricks in such a way that they can neither be seen nor heard from, put them in Congress.    Report

08-14-2007, 10:12 PM Jedidiah777 Joined on 02-22-2006 Posts 781 Re: what's wrong? Had a good laugh!!! But who knows, it could be a true story (so think about it, the Christian bear is no solution ). An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..." Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky: "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation to a cosmic accident. Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?" The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice. The light went out. The sounds of the forest resumed. And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord Amen."    Report

09-29-2007, 09:58 PM sureee Joined on 11-20-2005 Posts 409 Re: what's wrong? An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her Father cussed her. "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old Mother thru?" The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff....Dad....I became a prostitute...." Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot!  Sinner! You're a disgrace to this Catholic family." "OK, Dad-- as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a $5 million savings certificate. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye Daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club........................ takes a breath)............. and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera and... ." "Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says Dad. Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff....a prostitute Dad! Sniff, sniff." "Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl!  I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old Dad a hug." خبز وحشيش وقمر    Report

10-03-2007, 09:39 PM sureee Joined on 11-20-2005 Posts 409 Re: what's wrong? Two ladies talking in heaven: > > > > > >1st woman : Hi! My name is Wanda. > > >2nd woman : Hi! I'm Kelly. How'd you die? > > >1st woman : I Froze to Death. > > >2nd woman : How Horrible! > > >1st woman : It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I > > >began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about > > >you? > > >2nd woman : I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my > >husband > > >was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, > > >I found him all by himself in the den watching TV. > > >1st woman: So, what happened? > > >2nd woman : I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I > > >started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and > > >searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet > >and > > >checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, > > >and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart > > >attack and died. > > >1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be > > >alive. خبز وحشيش وقمر    Report

10-19-2007, 06:57 PM sureee Joined on 11-20-2005 Posts 409 BUSH IN PRIMARY SCHOOL GEORGE BUSH  GOES TO A PRIMARY SCHOOL TO TALK ABOUT THE WAR.   AFTER HIS TALK HE OFFERS   QUESTION TIME.ONE LITTLE BOY PUTS UP HIS HAND AND GEORGE ASKS HIM   WHAT IS YOUR NAME IS.     "BOB".       AND WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION, BOB?   I HAVE 3 QUESTIONS.     FIRST,WHY DID THE USA INVADE IRAQ WITHOUT THE SUPPORT OF THE UN?   SECOND,WHY ARE YOU PRESIDENT WHEN AL GORE GOT MORE VOTES?   AND   THIRD,WHAT HAPPEND TO OSAMA BIN LADEN?       JUST THEN THE BELL RINGS FOR RECESS.   GEORGE BUSH INFORMS THE KIDDIES THAT THEY WILL CONTINUE AFTER RECESS.       WHEN THEY RESUME GEORGE SAY,OK  WHERE WERE WE?     OH THAT,S RIGHT..........   QUESTION TIME.   WHO HAS  A QUESTION?     A DIFFERENT LITTLE BOY PUTS UP HIS HAND.   GEORGE POINTS HIM OUT AND ASKS HIM WHAT HIS NAME IS?   "STEVE"     AND WHAT IS YOUR QUESTION STEVE?   I HAVE 5 QUESTIONS.     FIRST,WHY DID THE USA INVADE IRAQ WITHOUT THE SUPPORT OF UN?   SECOND,WHY ARE YOU PRESIDENT WHEN AL GORE GOT MORE VOTES?   THIRD,WHAT HAPPENED TO OSAMA BIN LADEN?   FOURTH,WHY DID THE RECESS BELL GO 20 MINUTES EARLY?   AND FIFTH,     WHERE IS "BOB". خبز وحشيش وقمر    Report

03-12-2010, 04:54 AM sureee Joined on 11-20-2005 Posts 409 Re: BUSH IN PRIMARY SCHOOL Saudi Prince goes to Germany to study. A month later, he sends a letter to his dad saying: "Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train." Sometime later he gets a letter from his dadwith a ten million dollar check saying: "Stop embarrassing us! go and get yourself a train too!" خبز وحشيش وقمر    Report

03-12-2010, 05:02 AM sureee Joined on 11-20-2005 Posts 409 Re: BUSH IN PRIMARY SCHOOL My dad told me that if Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would be still in Paradise. Why? Because they would have eaten the snake instead of the bloody apple! خبز وحشيش وقمر    Report

03-12-2010, 05:07 AM sureee Joined on 11-20-2005 Posts 409 A British, American and a syrian A British, an American and a syrian died and all went to hell The British said: I miss England; I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there.... He called and talked for about 5 minutes... Then he said: well, devil how much do I owe you for the phone call??? The devil goes five million dollars... Five million dollars!!! He made him a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.... The American was so jealous, he starts screaming, me too I want to call the United States , I want to see how everybody is doing too.... He called! and talked for about 2 minutes, and then he said: well, devil How much do I owe you! For the phone call???? The devil goes ten million dollars... Ten million dollars!!!!!! He made him a cheque and went to sit back on his Chair... The syrian was extremely jealous too... He starts screaming and Screaming, I want to call syria too, I want to see how everybody is doing there too, I wanna talk to everybody... He called syria And he talked for about twenty hours, he was talking and talking and talking.... Then he said: well, devil how much do I owe you for the phone call???? The devil goes: One dollar... ONLY ONE DOLLAR?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The devil goes: yes, well……… From hell to hell, it's local!!!! خبز وحشيش وقمر    Report

03-12-2010, 11:14 PM sureee Joined on 11-20-2005 Posts 409 Re: A British, American and a syrian A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest asked. "They only know how to say, 'Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "But I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the Bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship." "Thank you," said the lady. The next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots and the female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes! Do you want to have some fun?" One male parrot looks over to the other male parrot and screams, "Frank! Put the Bible away--our prayers have been answered!<img src="/club/emoticons/salbeh.gif" alt="Cheers" /> خبز وحشيش وقمر    Report

02-10-2011, 10:25 PM sureee Joined on 11-20-2005 Posts 409 WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN I SHALL WEAR PURPLE WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN I SHALL WEAR PURPLE With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me. And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter. I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells And run my stick along the public railings And make up for the sobriety of my youth. I shall go out in my slippers in the rain And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens And learn to spit You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat And eat three pounds of sausages at a go Or only bread and pickle for a week And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes But now we must have clothes that keep us dry And pay our rent and not swear in the street And set a good example for the children. We must have friends to dinner and read the papers. But maybe I ought to practice a little now? So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple خبز وحشيش وقمر    Report

02-11-2011, 07:57 PM KAMAL2010 Joined on 02-11-2011 Posts 1 Re: what's wrong? Nothing is wrong, today is a great day. In Egypt there is one dictator less, now I hope the next country will be Syria. Today is a great day. Come on Syriua we are the next!!!!, goooooooo    Report

02-13-2011, 11:38 AM Reddeer Joined on 12-13-2009 Posts 115 Re: WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN I SHALL WEAR PURPLE  sureee wrote: WHEN I AM AN OLD WOMAN I SHALL WEAR PURPLE With a red hat which doesn’t go, and doesn’t suit me. And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves And satin sandals, and say we’ve no money for butter. I shall sit down on the pavement when I’m tired And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells And run my stick along the public railings And make up for the sobriety of my youth. I shall go out in my slippers in the rain And pick the flowers in other people’s gardens And learn to spit You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat And eat three pounds of sausages at a go Or only bread and pickle for a week And hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes But now we must have clothes that keep us dry And pay our rent and not swear in the street And set a good example for the children. We must have friends to dinner and read the papers. But maybe I ought to practice a little now? So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple interesting   ينصر دينك دكتوره حنان    Report

Page 2 of 2 (45 items) < 1 2

Souriaty Club » English Discuss... » Souria's Social... » A British, American and a syrian

(please select) Discussion Rooms Home |- Search Discussion Rooms |- Active Topics |- Unanswered Posts User Options |- Sign In |- Join Souriaty Club - الاشتراك في نادي سوريتي |- Forgot Password غرف المناقشة باللغة العربية |- غرفة سوريا الاقتصادية |- غرفة سوريا الاجتماعية |- غرفة سوريا الثقافية |- غرفة سوريا للتعارف English Discussion Rooms |- Souria's Social Room |- Souria's Meeting Room غرف خاصة |- مختارات من مواضيع غرف المناقشة القديمة