By: Yazan
Four Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St.Peters Square .

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, the four men gave her a subtle, "Well....?"

She proudly replies, "I have a daughter, slim, tall, 38D breasts, 24" waist and 34" hips. When she walks into a room, people say, "Oh My God !!!! "
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By: Omar
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
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By: Dado
Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?
Kid: Yeah, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted,
Dad got a heart attack & our driver ran away.
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By: Dado
A women asks man who is traveling with six children,
"Are all these kids yours?"
The man replies, "No, I work in a condom factory and these
Are customer complaints".
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By: Dado
A three-year-old boy was examining his testicles
While taking a bath.
"Mom" he asked, "are these my brains?"
"Not yet," she replied
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By: Yazan
Abu Abed goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE African guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees Abu Abed staring at him, looks down and says:
'7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown'.

Abu Abed nearly faints dead. The big fellow says: 'What's wrong with you BUDDY?'

In a weak voice Abu Abed said: 'What EXACTLY did you say to me?'

The big dude says: 'I saw the curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch penis, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds and my name is Turner Brown.'

Abu Abed says: "Turner Brown? ............. ************ 3akrout; I thought you said 'Turn around'..."
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By: Matador
A divorced man meets his ex-wife's new husband at a party.

Later after knocking back a few drinks, he goes over to the new guy and asks him:

"So... how do you like using second hand stuff?"

To which the new husband replied: "It isn't that bad. Past the first 6 centimeters , it's all brand new."

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By: Matador
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door and shouts at the top of her lungs:
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband says, "UNBELIEVABLE! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"I don't care. Just pack and leave!!!"

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By: Omar
Q: A homsi ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it six or twelve pieces.

A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."

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By: Omar
A Homsi got himself a puzzle game. It took him 10 hard months to finish it. He was so proud of himself>because at the side of the box it said '2-3 years'!!!
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By: Omar
A girl asked her Homsy boyfriend : "Habibi, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"

Sure replied the Homsy: "What's your phone number?"
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By: Omar
Abu -El- Abed decided to visit Amsterdam after he heard a lot about it from "Ahwet El Ejez".
He went around looking for a girl …

- "Abu El Abed: how much per hour?
- "Girl: 100 €
- "Abu El abed: I will give you 200 € if we do it the Lebanese way
- "Girl: No thank you
- "Abu El Abed: went to the next one and asked her how much?
- "Girl: 200 €
- "Abu El Abed: I will give you 400 if we do it the Lebanese way
- "Girl: No thank you
- "Abu El Abed: went to the next one and asked her how much?
- "Girl: 500 €
- "Abu El Abed: I will give you 1000 € if we do it the Lebanese way

The girl accepted and after they finished she looked at him and asked:

- " Girl: Abu El Abed, what's the Lebanese way?
- Abu El Abed: I will pay you later..!
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By: Yazan
Abou El Abed (AA) sent his son Abed to America to learn business. Abed
turned out to be a total failure in his studies, so AA told Abed to
come back to Beirut and learn the business, which is a mini market.
Abed returned, and went with AA to the mini market in order to learn
how to sell.

a.. AA speaking to Abed: now here comes a customer, sit down and
observe how I handle things.
b.. Customer: Bonjour AA.
c.. AA: bonjourene madame
d.. Customer: I need a good washing detergent to wash my curtains.
e.. AA: tikram 3aynik madame. AA went and brought the detergent plus
a bottle of EASY (glass cleaner).
f.. Customer: I understand why you got the detergent, but why did
you get EASY???
g.. AA: because when you are going to remove the curtains, you will
find the windows dirty and you will need EASY to clean them.
h.. Customer: excellent idea AA, thank you very much.
Abed jumped and said I understand now how to do business, let me
handle the next customer!

a.. next customer: Bonjour, I need a pack of ALWAYS PLUS.
b.. Abed: tikram 3anik madame. He went and got a pack of ALWAYS and
a bottle of EASY. The customer and AA looked at Abed astonished!!
c.. Customer: I understand why you got the ALWAYS, but what about the EASY???
d.. Abed: well, since this week there's no sex, spend time cleaning
the windows!
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By: deema
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you."
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By: ROSEY
HOMSI: HEY MOM WHY DID U MARRY DAD
MOM: BECAUSE HE LOVES ME
HOMSI: REALY YEA BECUSEI SAW HIM WITH ANOTHER GUY
MOM:U SAW WAT
HOMSI : DAD WITH ANOTHER GUY
MOM: OH NO HONEY
HOMSI: YEA MOM
MOM:NO HONEY THAT WAS ME WITHOUT MY WIG

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