By: Abu Shaheen
A poor guy used to visit the shrine at the church. He was so poor that he used to take money from the donations. Every time he used to take he tells to the picture of virgin mary " may i take some money." And he replies to himself yes.One day the priest noticed that the money was decreasing. The following sunday the same poor guy came to visited the shrine again and the priest was hiding behind the picture on the side of jesus. When the poor guy asked can i take some money the side of jesus answered no you can't. The guy replies when i am taking to you mom you have nothing to do with it.
yo mama is so stupid that when they asked her on her job application sex: she marked M, F, and sometimes Wednesday.
Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex ?
A: They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.
Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women ?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with the them.
What are the advantages of Breast milk?
1. No need to boil it.
2. cats can't steal it.
3.Available in attractive containers.
4. popular in all ages.
5. Buy one ,get one free.
A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following: "Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time. "You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country....we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives. "Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."
A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody."
The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill:
"Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company.
"What are you saying? It's in your files?????"
"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."
That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning.
"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"
"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."
"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."
By: Simon Says:
Ways to be thrown out of Chemistry Lab :
1. Deny the existence of chemicals.
2. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as 'KKK.'
3. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste funny to you ?"
4. Mutter repeatedly, Not again... not again... not again.
5. When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, My eyes!
6. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.
7. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he or she says it.
8. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid.
By: zohair ajlani
There Once was a guy and his dad died. his friend came over for sympathy and then asked him "how did your dad die?" and the guy says that he was crossing the street and a car ran into him. His friend was like "oh my god i am so sorry" then the guy says "but that isnt how he died". His friend then asked "then how did he die?" the guy goes "he went mountain climbing and his rope got cut off" his frind goes "oh my god i am so sorry" then the guy says "but that isnt how he dies" then his friend asked "then how did he die?" the guy says that he he took a trip to france and got in a plane crash. his friend goes "oh my god i am so sorry" then they guy says "...he was the only guy who survived the plane crash...then the friend asks "then how did he die?" then the guy goes "he wouldnt die from all the things that happened to him that we had to shoot him"
Positive thinking goes like this!!!
When wakling down the street through your sunny vacation day,and a nice bird shits in your eye.Dont scorn nor get angry,just thank God that cows do`nt fly.
why does a blonde return the donuts after buying them?**because they have holes in them!! hahah
By: Anooooooos Ksaybi
There was a homsy guy walking in the street, he saw a statue at the top of the building and liked it. A guy passed by and asked if the homsy wanted to buy it. Tht Homsy agreed and gave the guy 2000 layras, the guy said to the homsy to wait for him until he got a ladder and ran away. The Homsy waited but no one came. He went back to homs and told his friends wat happened. one friend had a brilliant idea. he went to the statue and looked at it until the same guy came to seel it to him . the homsy guy bought the statue. The guy said that he was going to get the ladder. the smart homsi stopped him and said: no, no, no, i will get the ladder
By: Imad Khawaja
Blondie enters a store that sell curtains. She tells the salesman, "I
would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."
The salesman assured her that they had a large selection of pink
curtains. He showed her several patterns, but the blond seemed to be having
a hard time choosing.
Finally she selects a lovely pink floral print.
The salesman asked what size curtains she needed.
The blonde replies, "Fifteen inches."
"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room
are they for?"
The blonde tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for her
The surprised salesman replies, "But, Miss, computers do not have
Blondie says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"
By: Ahmad Karim
So you want a day off. Let's take a look at what you are asking for. There are 365 days per year available for work. There are 52 weeks per year in which you already have 2 days off per week, leaving 261 days available for work. Since you spend 16 hours each day away fron work, you have used up 170 days, leaving only 91 days available. You spend 30 minutes each day on coffee break which counts for 23 days each year, leaving only 68 days available. With a 1 hour lunch each day, you used up another 46 days, leaving only 22 days available for work. You normally spend 2 days per year on sick leave. This leaves you only 20 days per year available for work. We are off 5 holidays per year, so your available working time is down to 15 days. We generously give 14 days vacation per year which leaves only 1 day available for work and I'll be darned if you are going to take that day off!
By: standard star
A lady goes to the doctor and complains that her husband is losing interest in sex. The doctor gives her a pill, but warns her it is still experimental and tells her to slip it into his mashed potatoes at dinner. So, that night at dinner, she does. About a week later she's back at the doctor. She says, "Doc, the pill worked great!! I put it in the potatoes like you said! It wasn't five minutes and he jumps up, rakes all the food and dishes on the floor, grabs me, rips all my clothes off and ravages me right
there on the table!" The doctor says, "I'm sorry, we didn't realize the pill was that
strong. The foundation will be glad to pay for any damages." "Naah... ", she says, "that's okay. We aren't going back to that