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Jokes Sorted by Rate (793 Available)
By: asfoor
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
Rate
A young man and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads some distance from town, when the girl stopped the boy.
"I really should have mentioned this earlier, but I'm actually a hooker and I charge $20 for sex." The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing.
After a cigarette, the boy just sat in the driver's seat looking out the window. "Why aren't we going anywhere?" asked the girl.
"Well, I should have mentioned this before, but I'm actually a taxi driver, and the fare back to town is $25."
Rate
By: mairj45
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent."
"As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting, because they don't smell and are quite silent."
The doctor says, "I see. Please take two of these pills each day, and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady comes back.
"Doctor", she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts - though still silent- really stink terribly."
The doctor replies, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing... "
Rate
A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never smell and are always silent."
"As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 20 times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting, because they don't smell and are quite silent."
The doctor says, "I see. Please take two of these pills each day, and come back to see me next week."
The next week the lady comes back.
"Doctor", she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my farts - though still silent- really stink terribly."
The doctor replies, "Good!!! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing... "
Rate
By: asfoor
A married couple is having problems so they go to counseling. They sit down with the specialist and the wife points out the numerous problems with their marriage. After about 10 minutes, the specialist gets up, walks over to the wife and kisses her passionately. Then he tells the husband “now sir, if this happens 3 times a week your wife will feel much better about herself and your relationship.”
The man says; “well I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays but I go out drinking on Fridays.”
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A married couple is having problems so they go to counseling. They sit down with the specialist and the wife points out the numerous problems with their marriage. After about 10 minutes, the specialist gets up, walks over to the wife and kisses her passionately. Then he tells the husband “now sir, if this happens 3 times a week your wife will feel much better about herself and your relationship.”
The man says; “well I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays but I go out drinking on Fridays.”
Rate
By: Asfoor
A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.
He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"
Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and said the Delta Airline slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?". She gave him a confused look and he immediately thought to himself: "Damn, she doesn't work for Delta Airlines."
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?". She gave him the same confused look.
He then removed Singapore Airlines off the list.
Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk". This time the woman turned to him "What the fuck do you want?"
The man smiled, then laid back in his chair, and said "Ahhhhh, Royal Jordanian!"
Rate
A guy sitting at a bar at Heathrow Terminal 3 noticed a really beautiful woman sitting next to him.
He thought to himself: "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant. But which airline does she work for?"
Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and said the Delta Airline slogan: "Love to fly and it shows?". She gave him a confused look and he immediately thought to himself: "Damn, she doesn't work for Delta Airlines."
A moment later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?". She gave him the same confused look.
He then removed Singapore Airlines off the list.
Next he tried the Thai Airways slogan: "Smooth as Silk". This time the woman turned to him "What the fuck do you want?"
The man smiled, then laid back in his chair, and said "Ahhhhh, Royal Jordanian!"
Rate
By: koko
An international interviewer desided to make an interview with a (Homsi...)about the acheivments of Homsi's cultures between now and the old past so he went to Homs. As arriving there he found a Homsi and began the interview: " How are the achievments improved between your old and present ways of thinking of your cultures withen the centuries? the Homsi proudly replied " Our gradfathers were giving instant answers for quistions. For example, They say that 2*2=2 while now every thing improved. For example 5*5 now is not equal to 5. It means that five beat five so there are five killed and five in the jail"
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An international interviewer desided to make an interview with a (Homsi...)about the acheivments of Homsi's cultures between now and the old past so he went to Homs. As arriving there he found a Homsi and began the interview: " How are the achievments improved between your old and present ways of thinking of your cultures withen the centuries? the Homsi proudly replied " Our gradfathers were giving instant answers for quistions. For example, They say that 2*2=2 while now every thing improved. For example 5*5 now is not equal to 5. It means that five beat five so there are five killed and five in the jail"
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By: HaSsOoN
Two men, they are riding a motorcycle,,, the problem they are fighting for who will sit next to the window...!!!..
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Two men, they are riding a motorcycle,,, the problem they are fighting for who will sit next to the window...!!!..
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By: Fatoom
There was a boy sitting with his dad. The boy said to his dad, " Dad, I know what BIBLE stands for." The dad said, " What does it stand for son?" The boy said," Basic Information Before Leaving Earth!"
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There was a boy sitting with his dad. The boy said to his dad, " Dad, I know what BIBLE stands for." The dad said, " What does it stand for son?" The boy said," Basic Information Before Leaving Earth!"
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By: asfoor
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on
the phone."
Rate
A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter.
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on
the phone."
Rate
By: Fadi T.
You know you are an Arab when:
1. You make Turkish coffee before leaving home, when getting to the office,after lunch, when having guests, before the guests leave, after the guests leave and before going to bed.
2. When shops have sale they call your mom.
3. You still have, stored in suitcases, clothes that you used to wear when you were five .
4. You call an older person you've never met before"Ammo" or "Khaltu".
5. You hide everything from your parents, but they still think they know everything about you, and make you beleive that they actually do.
6. People are never happy with what you've achieved. If you graduated from school they'll tell you "Oqbal el Shahadeh el kbeereh", and when u get that "Oqbal el Aroos or Areees", and when you get that "Oqbal ma nefrah be Aoulad-kum", and when you get that "Oqbal ma tefrahu bi shahadit-hum", etc..
7. If you are a boy you start worrying about the Mukhabarat when you reach puberty.
8. Getting a visa to Europe or the States is like getting a baby, everybody tells you "mabrook"
9. You learn how to beg the personnel at the airport to allow the excess baggage you've got as soon as your father stops doing that for you.
10. You dream of holding a different passport.
11. When you FLY BACK home you find 20 people waiting for you at the airport.
12.Everytime you fly back home you meet relatives you never knew existed, and they look nothing like your family.
13. You look for universities as far away from home as possible.
14. You always curse at Arabs when you are back home, but when you live abroad you only make Arab friends.
15. When you come back from University you still have to live with your parents, and fight over curfew allover again, as if you never left them before.
16. Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
17. Everyone is a family friend.
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
19. You teach Westerners to swear words in your language.
20. When you go on a date you start thinking of lousy places where nobody would go to so you won't bump into family or friends.
21. You end up in a lousy place and still bump into the relative with the biggest mouth.
22. You think you are liberated when you can't even smoke in public.
23. If you are 25 and not married yet, your parents make you feel that you are getting too old.
24. Getting married becomes the only way you can escape your parents.
25. You tell your friends how to rebel against their parents when you can't even stay out past midnight.
26 You always say "Open the light" instead of "Turn the light on" or "get down from the car" instead of "get out of the car."
27. You pronounce your p's as b's ( bolice and airblane)
28. You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to walk miles just to get to school.
29. Your parents were ranked first in school.
30 Your dad swears at you with words that affect himself. ( Ibnil kalb)
31. You tell everyone that you are a "successful businessman back home" when you are really just a grocer.
32. You feel uncomfortable saying the word 'tease' in english.
33. You go large at McDonalds even when you're not hungry.
34. You smoke as if theres no tommorrow and you only smoke MARLBORO REDS.
35. You only walk on the streets in groups of seven or more people and talk really really loud in arabic together.
36. You wear a black leather jacket, even when it is 100 degrees outside.
37. you think its cool to dance and smoke at the same time.
38. If you are an Arab girl you give the look of death to another Arab girl who looks better than you.
39. Your aunt is always asking when she can dance at your wedding
Rate
You know you are an Arab when:
1. You make Turkish coffee before leaving home, when getting to the office,after lunch, when having guests, before the guests leave, after the guests leave and before going to bed.
2. When shops have sale they call your mom.
3. You still have, stored in suitcases, clothes that you used to wear when you were five .
4. You call an older person you've never met before"Ammo" or "Khaltu".
5. You hide everything from your parents, but they still think they know everything about you, and make you beleive that they actually do.
6. People are never happy with what you've achieved. If you graduated from school they'll tell you "Oqbal el Shahadeh el kbeereh", and when u get that "Oqbal el Aroos or Areees", and when you get that "Oqbal ma nefrah be Aoulad-kum", and when you get that "Oqbal ma tefrahu bi shahadit-hum", etc..
7. If you are a boy you start worrying about the Mukhabarat when you reach puberty.
8. Getting a visa to Europe or the States is like getting a baby, everybody tells you "mabrook"
9. You learn how to beg the personnel at the airport to allow the excess baggage you've got as soon as your father stops doing that for you.
10. You dream of holding a different passport.
11. When you FLY BACK home you find 20 people waiting for you at the airport.
12.Everytime you fly back home you meet relatives you never knew existed, and they look nothing like your family.
13. You look for universities as far away from home as possible.
14. You always curse at Arabs when you are back home, but when you live abroad you only make Arab friends.
15. When you come back from University you still have to live with your parents, and fight over curfew allover again, as if you never left them before.
16. Your relatives alone could populate a small city.
17. Everyone is a family friend.
18. You fight over who pays the dinner bill.
19. You teach Westerners to swear words in your language.
20. When you go on a date you start thinking of lousy places where nobody would go to so you won't bump into family or friends.
21. You end up in a lousy place and still bump into the relative with the biggest mouth.
22. You think you are liberated when you can't even smoke in public.
23. If you are 25 and not married yet, your parents make you feel that you are getting too old.
24. Getting married becomes the only way you can escape your parents.
25. You tell your friends how to rebel against their parents when you can't even stay out past midnight.
26 You always say "Open the light" instead of "Turn the light on" or "get down from the car" instead of "get out of the car."
27. You pronounce your p's as b's ( bolice and airblane)
28. You ask your dad a simple question and he tells you a story of how he had to walk miles just to get to school.
29. Your parents were ranked first in school.
30 Your dad swears at you with words that affect himself. ( Ibnil kalb)
31. You tell everyone that you are a "successful businessman back home" when you are really just a grocer.
32. You feel uncomfortable saying the word 'tease' in english.
33. You go large at McDonalds even when you're not hungry.
34. You smoke as if theres no tommorrow and you only smoke MARLBORO REDS.
35. You only walk on the streets in groups of seven or more people and talk really really loud in arabic together.
36. You wear a black leather jacket, even when it is 100 degrees outside.
37. you think its cool to dance and smoke at the same time.
38. If you are an Arab girl you give the look of death to another Arab girl who looks better than you.
39. Your aunt is always asking when she can dance at your wedding
Rate
By: asfoor
A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the blind man’s leg. As the dog finished, the blind man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied, "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fookin' ass."
Rate
A blind man was walking down the street with his dog. They stopped at the corner to wait for the passing traffic. The dog, at this point, started pissing on the blind man’s leg. As the dog finished, the blind man reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a doggie treat and started waving it at the dog. A passerby saw all the events and was shocked. He approached the blind man and asked how he could possibly reward the dog for such a nasty deed. The blind man replied, "Oh I'm not rewarding him, I'm just trying to find his head so I can kick his fookin' ass."
Rate
By: asfoor
A Newfoundland couple, both well into their seventies, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor says, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice, that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."
He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them $50, and says goodbye to them. The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the therapist to watch again. The therapist is a bit puzzled, but he agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problem, and pays the doctor, then leaves. Finally, after 5 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, I'm sorry, but I have to ask you something. Just what are you trying to find out?" The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married so we can't go to her house. I'm married, so we can't go to mine. The Holiday Inn charges $98 and the Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from my Blue Cross health insurance.
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A Newfoundland couple, both well into their seventies, go to a sex therapist's office. The doctor says, "What can I do for you?"
The man says, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice, that he agrees. When the couple finishes, the doctor says, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."
He thanks them for coming, wishes them good luck, charges them $50, and says goodbye to them. The next week, however, the couple returns and asks the therapist to watch again. The therapist is a bit puzzled, but he agrees. This happens several weeks in a row. The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problem, and pays the doctor, then leaves. Finally, after 5 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, I'm sorry, but I have to ask you something. Just what are you trying to find out?" The old man says, "We're not trying to find out anything. She's married so we can't go to her house. I'm married, so we can't go to mine. The Holiday Inn charges $98 and the Hilton charges $139. We do it here for $50, and I get $43 back from my Blue Cross health insurance.
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By: asfoor
No matter what the husband did in bed, his wife could not achieve an orgasm. They enlisted the services of a sex therapist, to see if he could shed some light on the problem. He suggested that they do the following: "Hire a young man. While the two of you are making love , have the young man wave a towel over you. This should help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
They went home and hired a handsome young man, and he waved the towel over them as they made love. It didn't help and the wife was still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they returned to the therapist. "OK," he said to the husband, "try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they followed the therapist's advise. They went home and enlisted the services of the same young man. He go into bed with the wife and the husband waved the towel. The young man went about his task with great enthusiasm and the wife soon had an enormous, ear-splitting orgasm.
The husband smiled, looked at the young man and said to him triumphantly, "You see, you young schmuck? That's How You Wave a Towel!"
Rate
No matter what the husband did in bed, his wife could not achieve an orgasm. They enlisted the services of a sex therapist, to see if he could shed some light on the problem. He suggested that they do the following: "Hire a young man. While the two of you are making love , have the young man wave a towel over you. This should help the wife fantasize and should bring on an orgasm."
They went home and hired a handsome young man, and he waved the towel over them as they made love. It didn't help and the wife was still unsatisfied. Perplexed, they returned to the therapist. "OK," he said to the husband, "try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they followed the therapist's advise. They went home and enlisted the services of the same young man. He go into bed with the wife and the husband waved the towel. The young man went about his task with great enthusiasm and the wife soon had an enormous, ear-splitting orgasm.
The husband smiled, looked at the young man and said to him triumphantly, "You see, you young schmuck? That's How You Wave a Towel!"
Rate
By: Robin
A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have
this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never
smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I've farted at least 10
times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting
because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me
next week."
The next week the lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know
what the heck you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink
terribly". "Good," the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your
nose, let's work on your hearing."
Rate
A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor I have
this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. They never
smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact I've farted at least 10
times since I've been here in your office. You didn't know I was farting
because they don't smell and are silent."
The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back to see me
next week."
The next week the lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know
what the heck you gave me, but now my farts, although still silent, stink
terribly". "Good," the doctor said. "Now that we've cleared up your
nose, let's work on your hearing."
Rate
By: destincttea
An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board
> >>but
> >>Only 4 parachutes.
> >>The first passenger said, " I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA
> >>basketball
> >>player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to
> >>die....So he took the first pack and left the plane.
> >>
> >>The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the
> >>former
> >>president of the United States, I am also the most ambitious woman
> >>in the
> >>world and I am a New York Senator and a potential future
> >>president."
> >>She took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.
> >>
> >>The third passenger, George W. Bush, said: "I'm President of the
> >>United
> >>States of America, I have a great responsibility being the leader
> >>of a
> >>superpower nation. And above all I'm the cleverest President in
> >>American
> >>history, so America's people won't let me die."
> >>So he put on the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane.
> >>
> >>The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a 10
> >>year-old
> >>school boy, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left,
> >>as a
> >>Catholic I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last
> >>parachute.
> >>
> >>The boy said, "It's OK, there's a parachute left for you.
> >>America's cleverest President has taken my schoolbag."
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An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board
> >>but
> >>Only 4 parachutes.
> >>The first passenger said, " I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA
> >>basketball
> >>player, the Lakers need me, I can't afford to
> >>die....So he took the first pack and left the plane.
> >>
> >>The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said, "I am the wife of the
> >>former
> >>president of the United States, I am also the most ambitious woman
> >>in the
> >>world and I am a New York Senator and a potential future
> >>president."
> >>She took the second parachute and jumped out of the plane.
> >>
> >>The third passenger, George W. Bush, said: "I'm President of the
> >>United
> >>States of America, I have a great responsibility being the leader
> >>of a
> >>superpower nation. And above all I'm the cleverest President in
> >>American
> >>history, so America's people won't let me die."
> >>So he put on the pack next to him and jumped out of the plane.
> >>
> >>The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger, a 10
> >>year-old
> >>school boy, "I am old and frail and I don't have many years left,
> >>as a
> >>Catholic I will sacrifice my life and let you have the last
> >>parachute.
> >>
> >>The boy said, "It's OK, there's a parachute left for you.
> >>America's cleverest President has taken my schoolbag."
Rate
By: Marwan K.H.
> > > Abu El Abed was telling his friends about his trip
> > to California. He told them how much he loved it,
> > "The beoble are so nice beoble and so religious,
> > they give all their cities saints names, San
> > Francisco, San Diego, San Jose, Imagine they loved
> > me so much they gave me a saint's name. They called
> > me "San Ofabitch".
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> > > Abu El Abed was telling his friends about his trip
> > to California. He told them how much he loved it,
> > "The beoble are so nice beoble and so religious,
> > they give all their cities saints names, San
> > Francisco, San Diego, San Jose, Imagine they loved
> > me so much they gave me a saint's name. They called
> > me "San Ofabitch".
Rate
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