A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?"
The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex."
"Oh I see," replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school."
He looks over the display and picks up a package of three and asks, "Why are there three in this package."
The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."
"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a pack of six and asks "Then who are these for?"
"Those are for college men," the dad answers, "Two for Friday, two for Saturday, and two for Sunday."
"Wow!" exclaimed the boy. "Then who uses these?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack.
With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March."
There was a shamia, haleba, and a homsia stuck on a stranded island. The nearest land was six miles away. The shamia went swan three miles, got tired and drowned. The haleba also swan three miles, got tired and drowned. The homsia swan three miles, got tired and swam back to the stranded island. LOLZ
one day an old man went to the pet store and bought himself a rabbit. it was late at night as the man was walkin back home. just a few blocks before he got to his house, he seen an old man smoking hasheesh walking on the same side walk. as they came close to eachother, the drugy stoped the man with the rabbit and asked a question. he said how much would you sell me this monkey, said the old man? the man replied, its a rabbit, first of all, and second his not for sale. so the other man said, i wasnt talking to you, i was talkin to your pet.
Q : Do u know how to make a homsi busy for a week??
A : Give him a paper and write on its both sides read on the other side ;o)
There was a homsi who bought a new closet. The new closet had a mirror set in it. When the homsi came to open the door he jumped back and slammed the door. He went to the police station and reported to the police officer that there was a thief in his closet. So he brought the police officer with him to check it out. When the officer opened the closet door, he said to the homsi "what do you need me for, you already have the cops here"
an army officer couldn't sleep at night, woke up and cus he cann't sleep he didn't want any of his soldiers to sleep.he wake them up and asked them to bring a bad reputed ant or he'll punish them hardly .all surrenderd and waited 4 the punishment but one of them came back to the officer with an ant .the officer looked angrily and asked the soldier :what is that???
a bad reputed ant sir.replied the soldier .
and how did u know that she is a bad one by god sake?asked the officer .
by god sake! if she's not bad how did i find her out so late at night
What do you call a flea on a bald mans head? Homeless...
Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again." Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Billy Bob says, "This year, I'm taking Marie with me."
A lady walked into a Lexus dealership to browse, and spotted the most beautiful, perfect loaded Lexus and walked over to inspect it closer. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little burst of fart escaped her. Very embarassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed.
Sure enough, there standing behind her was a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"
Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madam, I'm very sorry to say! If you farted just touching it, you're gonna sh*t when you hear the price."
By the time a sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.
"You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where."
"Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you."
"No problem," the tired Navy man assured him. "I'll take it."
The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager.
The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?"
"Nope, I shut him up in no time" said the Navy guy.
"How'd you manage that?" asked the manager.
"He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained.
"I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,'and he sat up all night watching me."
One elderly couple is visiting another for supper. The two women go into the kitchen for a moment, leaving the men to talk.
One of the men says to the other, "The Mrs. and I went to the nicest restaurant last night."
"Is that right?" the other inquires, "What was it called?"
"That's just it," he replies "I can't recall. "Say, what's the name of that red flower that has thorns all over it?"
"A rose?" he responds.
"YEAH, THAT'S IT!" he says energetically.
He then whirls around and yells into the kitchen, "Hey, Rose! What was the name of that restaurant we went to last night!?"
By: hussain hadi alhassani
A homsi was late for school so the teacher told him
why were you late?
he said my father and mother were fighting so i was giving out slippers
An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday Evening with a beautiful young gal at his side.
He told the jeweler He was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend, the jeweler looked through his stock and brought a stunning ring at $40,000!
The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement; the old man seeing this said, "We'll take it."
The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man said: "By check, I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write It now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick up the ring Monday afternoon."
Monday morning, a very upset jeweler phoned the old man and said:
"There's no money in that account."
"I know", said the old man, "but can you imagine the weekend I had?!"
For most of us, Chinese is a very difficult language to learn or understand. Hopefully, these simplifications will help you understand the Chinese language just a bit better!
Ai Bang Mai Ne - I bumped into the coffee table
Chin Tu Fat - You need a face lift
Dum Gai - A stupid person
Gun Pao Der - An ancient Chinese invention
Hu Flung Dung - Which one of you fertilized the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding - We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugutive
Jan Ne Ka Sun - A former late night talk show host
Kum Hia - Approach me
Lao Ze Sho - Dawson's Creek
Lao Zi - Not very good
Lin Ching - An illegal execution
Moon Lan Ding - A great achievement of the American space program
Ne Ahn - A lighting fixture used in advertising signs
Shai Gai - A bashful person
Tai Ne Bae Be - A premature infant
Tai Ne Po Ne - A small horse
Ten Ding Ba - Serving drinks to people
Wan Bum Lung - A person with T.B.
Yu Mai Te Tan - Your vacation in Hawaii agrees with you
Wa Shing Kah - Cleaning an automobile
Wai So Dim - Are you trying to save electricity?
Wai U Shao Ting -- There is no reason to raise your voice
By: Abu Cajo
three roommates: homsi, A french and an American live in one dorm.
One day the French said, guys take 10 dollars each and go grab something to eat while my girlfriend visits me for a quicky..
American and Homsy come back after half an hour to see Frenchy sitting on a couch feeling good...
Guys ask the Frenchy: How many orgasms did u have??
Frenchy says: 3!!
Guys say: What about her?
He says 4!!!!
and they all cheer him up.
Next comes the American, who gives the Homsy and Frenchy 50 dollars each, and says, go treat yourselves to a good dinner, while I spend the evening with ma girl Stacy..
They go, come back and see him sitting exhausted on the sofa...
"How many?" the guys asked the American..
He says: 7!!!
"What about her?" the guys went on...
The American says : 14!!!
they all cheer him up.
Now comes the Homsi's turn. He hands Frnechy and the American 100 dollars each, and say, get lost for a full day, ma boo is coming for a full day.
the American and frenchy come back next day morning, to see the homsy on the floor, totally exhausted, looking pale with a cigarette in his mouth.
He says: 47!!!
what about her??
She didn't come.