A very old lady decided to buy a mansion one day. So she did. She didn't know what to name her mansion. So she told herself " The first thing that comes on the radio tomorrow will be the name of my mansion." So the next morning she turned on the radio and the first thing was "hairybutt" So she named her masnion hairybutt. The next day she decided to get a cat. So she did. She didnt know what to name her cat. So she told herself "The first thing that comes on the radio tomorrow will be the name of my cat." So the next morning she turned on the radio and the first thing was "crack" So she named her cat crack. One day crack got lost. So she went to the poilice station and told the police officer " I looked all over my hairybutt but I couldn't find my crack?!"
man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to
three identical looking parrots on a perch and says: "The parrot on the
left costs 500 dollars".
Why, does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man. The owner says, "Well
the parrot knows how to use a computer".
The man then asks about the next parrot and is told that this one costs
1,000 dollars because it can do everything the first parrot can do plus
it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.
Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot and
is told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the
question, "What can it do?"
To which the owner replies, "To be honest I have never seen it do a
thing but the other two call him boss!"
By: Black Night
Dear Sweet Heart
I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses.
You re my sweetheart.
His wife replied back after some days to her husband:
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details.
1. Milk man was agreed on 2 kisses
2. Teacher agreed on 7 kisses
3. Our house owner is coming every day and taking two or three kisses of mine.
4. Vegetable and food shop keeper was not agreeing with kisses only, so I have given some other items to him...........
5. Others 40 kisses
Please don't worry for me, I have balance 35 kisses and I hope I can complete this month.
Shall I plan same way for next months, Please Advise?????????
Your Sweet Heart.
A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy and a girl sitting at the top of the roof and kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom "when is dad gonna marry the maid?"
By: Sami Fakih and ALI..
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
once a Homsy baught for his son a calculator so he moved up the 0 coz he didn't want him to call any cell phone
By: Marc Assad
once apon a time there was an american bee and a homsi bee the american bee made somehoney but the homsi bee made son apricot jam????
A lady walked into a Lexus dealership to browse, and spotted the most beautiful, perfect loaded Lexus and walked over to inspect it closer. As she bent forward to feel the fine leather upholstery, an unexpected little burst of fart escaped her. Very embarassed, she anxiously looked around to see if anyone had noticed.
Sure enough, there standing behind her was a salesman. With a pleasant smile he greeted her, "Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?"
Trying to maintain an air of sophistication and acting as though nothing had happened, she smiled back and asked, "Sir, what is the price of this lovely vehicle?" Still smiling pleasantly, he replied, "Madam, I'm very sorry to say! If you farted just touching it, you're gonna sh*t when you hear the price."
The Passing of Bill Gates
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"
St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?"
"I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.
"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!"
"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.
"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.
"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire."
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons.
"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.
Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!???
"That was a demo version," replied St. Peter.
Q: Why do farts smell?
A: So deaf people can enjoy them too.
There was a German, an Italian and a Homsi on death row.
The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:
To be shot
To be hung
To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.
The German said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly.)
Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)
Then the Homsi said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff."
They gave him the shot, and the Homsi fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy. Then the Homsi said, "Give me another one of those shots," so the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.
Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"
The Homsi replied, "You guys are so stupid ..... I'm wearing a condom!"
A couple had two little boys, ages 3 and 5, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved.
The boys mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak to her boys. The clergyman agreed, but asked to see them individually.
So the mother sent her 3-year-old first, in the morning.
The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?
They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even stern tone, "Where is God"?
Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?"
The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?"
The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, Brother....
GOD is missing - and they think We did it........
your mama is so dumb, she takes a ruler to bed so she measures how long she's gonna sleep
your mama is so fat, when she went to the ocean the whales said "we are family..."
By: Anti Crime
A husband said to his wife, "I will take a photo of your breasts and frame it ."
The wife said to her husband, "I will take a photo of your penis and enlarge it."