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Jokes Sorted by Rate (793 Available)
By: Oasis
A man boards a plane and takes his seat. He glances up and sees the most gorgeous woman boarding the aircraft. He soon realizes that she is heading straight towards him. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him as low and behold the woman takes the seat right next to him. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Hi there, business trip or vacation?". "Nymphomaniacs Convention in Liverpool", she replies. Whooa!! He swallows hard and is instantly crazed with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!!. Struggling to remain outwardly cool, he asks, "And what is your role at this convention?". "Lecturer", she says," I use my experiences to debunk the popular myths about s£x". "Really?" he says, swallowing hard, "and what myths are those?". "Well, one popular myth is that African Americans are the most well endowed, when in fact it is the Native American. Another is that Frenchmen are considered the best lovers, when in fact it is Greek men who are the best in bed". Suddenly the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry", she says, "here's me talking about s£x and I don't even know your name!" "Tonto", replies the man, extending his hand, "Tonto Papadopoulos".
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A man boards a plane and takes his seat. He glances up and sees the most gorgeous woman boarding the aircraft. He soon realizes that she is heading straight towards him. A wave of nervous anticipation washes over him as low and behold the woman takes the seat right next to him. Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurts out, "Hi there, business trip or vacation?". "Nymphomaniacs Convention in Liverpool", she replies. Whooa!! He swallows hard and is instantly crazed with excitement. Here's the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, sitting right next to him, and she's going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!!. Struggling to remain outwardly cool, he asks, "And what is your role at this convention?". "Lecturer", she says," I use my experiences to debunk the popular myths about s£x". "Really?" he says, swallowing hard, "and what myths are those?". "Well, one popular myth is that African Americans are the most well endowed, when in fact it is the Native American. Another is that Frenchmen are considered the best lovers, when in fact it is Greek men who are the best in bed". Suddenly the woman becomes very embarrassed and blushes. "I'm sorry", she says, "here's me talking about s£x and I don't even know your name!" "Tonto", replies the man, extending his hand, "Tonto Papadopoulos".
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By: MasterX
The Young Son says to his dad, ''Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'' The father replied, ''That happens in every country, son.''
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The Young Son says to his dad, ''Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?'' The father replied, ''That happens in every country, son.''
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By: jihad
3 Wishes
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
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3 Wishes
A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island.
One day, the three of them are walking along the beach and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."
The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I just want to go home."
POOF! The brunette gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
Then, the red head says, "I've been stuck here for years as well. I miss my family, my husband, and my life. I wish I could go home too."
POOF! The redhead gets her wish and she is returned to her family.
The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.
The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"
The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."
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By: Fady
How to date?
WHITE WOMEN:
First date:
You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date:
You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date:
You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMEN:
First Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
CHINESE WOMEN:
First date:
You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date:
You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date:
You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized nothing
is ever going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN:
First date:
Meet her parents.
Second date:
Set the date of the wedding.
Third date:
Wedding night.
MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date:
You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date:
She's pregnant.
Third Date:
She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her
two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's
girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his
three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
ARAB WOMEN:
First Date:
Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
Second Date:
Guy is shot dead.
No third date!!!
LEBANESE WOMEN:
First Date:
You will have to spend all your money to impress
Second Date:
You will take a loan to keep the image
Third Date :
Your are broke, she finds someone wealthier
Rate
How to date?
WHITE WOMEN:
First date:
You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date:
You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date:
You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.
IRISH WOMEN:
First Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary:
You both get blind drunk and have sex.
CHINESE WOMEN:
First date:
You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date:
You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date:
You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized nothing
is ever going to happen.
INDIAN WOMEN:
First date:
Meet her parents.
Second date:
Set the date of the wedding.
Third date:
Wedding night.
MEXICAN WOMEN:
First Date:
You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date:
She's pregnant.
Third Date:
She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her
two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's
girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's boyfriend and his
three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
ARAB WOMEN:
First Date:
Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
Second Date:
Guy is shot dead.
No third date!!!
LEBANESE WOMEN:
First Date:
You will have to spend all your money to impress
Second Date:
You will take a loan to keep the image
Third Date :
Your are broke, she finds someone wealthier
Rate
By: yazan
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.
She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself
to write the word "toilet" in her letter.
After much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term "Bathroom closet" but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.
"Does the camping ground have it's own B.C." is what she wrote.
Well, the camping ground owner wasn't a bit old fashioned, and he just couldn't figure out what the old lady was talking about, so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C. stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply.
Dear Madam,
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.
I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.
The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.
I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.
As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.
Remember, this is a very friendly community.
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A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.
She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself
to write the word "toilet" in her letter.
After much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term "Bathroom closet" but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.
"Does the camping ground have it's own B.C." is what she wrote.
Well, the camping ground owner wasn't a bit old fashioned, and he just couldn't figure out what the old lady was talking about, so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C. stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply.
Dear Madam,
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.
I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.
The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.
I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.
As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.
Remember, this is a very friendly community.
Rate
By: nivo
A homsi booked a room in a hotel
The hotel employee carried the bags and asked to take him to the room.
Once the door is opened,
The homsi stopped, shook his head and said to the employee:
"Listen its true that I'm a stranger to this country but this
doesn't mean that you fool me and laugh at me,
I've paid over $100 for renting a nice room. This room is too
small, has no window, no bathroom and it also contains no bed...!
The hotel employee politely said: "I'm sorry sir.
This is not your room, this is the elevator...
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A homsi booked a room in a hotel
The hotel employee carried the bags and asked to take him to the room.
Once the door is opened,
The homsi stopped, shook his head and said to the employee:
"Listen its true that I'm a stranger to this country but this
doesn't mean that you fool me and laugh at me,
I've paid over $100 for renting a nice room. This room is too
small, has no window, no bathroom and it also contains no bed...!
The hotel employee politely said: "I'm sorry sir.
This is not your room, this is the elevator...
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By: ----------------
Q:how can you tell that a computer has been used by a Homsi???
...
...
...
...
A: It has correction liquid on the screen. ^.^ hahha!!!
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Q:how can you tell that a computer has been used by a Homsi???
...
...
...
...
A: It has correction liquid on the screen. ^.^ hahha!!!
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By: Diane E
A homsi is traveling alone and is lost. He finally sees a farmer and asked for directions. The farmer said, I'd like to help you but unless you know where you are going, I can't tell you
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A homsi is traveling alone and is lost. He finally sees a farmer and asked for directions. The farmer said, I'd like to help you but unless you know where you are going, I can't tell you
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By: doudou
what did the homis people do when they knew that an earthquake was going to hit homis?????????????
THE CHANGED THE NOTE THAT SAID "welcome to homis" to "welcome to halab " ! ;)
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what did the homis people do when they knew that an earthquake was going to hit homis?????????????
THE CHANGED THE NOTE THAT SAID "welcome to homis" to "welcome to halab " ! ;)
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By: lovelytaim
there was a little kid playing with his new electronic train after christmas. and his mom was in the kitchen preparing some food for lunch.so when the train stopped, the little kid said," u sons of bitches who want off , get out of my train. and u sons of bitches who want in, get ur asses in the train. his mom could hear him at that time so she rushed up and told him that they dont use this kind of language at home. then she told him to go to his room for 2 hours as a punishment and he might replay when he comes back. so after 2 hrs that kid went back and said u pple i hope u had pleasent and relaxing time on my train and u pple who want to get in , i wish to enjoy ur journy on my train, but u pple who are pissed off cuzzz of the 2 hrs delay, go see the bitch in the kitchen.
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there was a little kid playing with his new electronic train after christmas. and his mom was in the kitchen preparing some food for lunch.so when the train stopped, the little kid said," u sons of bitches who want off , get out of my train. and u sons of bitches who want in, get ur asses in the train. his mom could hear him at that time so she rushed up and told him that they dont use this kind of language at home. then she told him to go to his room for 2 hours as a punishment and he might replay when he comes back. so after 2 hrs that kid went back and said u pple i hope u had pleasent and relaxing time on my train and u pple who want to get in , i wish to enjoy ur journy on my train, but u pple who are pissed off cuzzz of the 2 hrs delay, go see the bitch in the kitchen.
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By: fondamo
there were 2 homsi's in an elevator , and the elevator got stuck, so the one said to the other one lets call together , so the other one starts to call ' together , together '
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there were 2 homsi's in an elevator , and the elevator got stuck, so the one said to the other one lets call together , so the other one starts to call ' together , together '
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By: Arfan
Some one went to a coffee shop to buy a sandwich so he order a sandwich without tomato so they said we are sorry we have no tomato can we do it for you without onion
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Some one went to a coffee shop to buy a sandwich so he order a sandwich without tomato so they said we are sorry we have no tomato can we do it for you without onion
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By: khaled karkouch
Jim’s Doctor tells him he has only one day to live. When Jim goes home to share the bad news with his wife, she asks what he wants to do with the little bit of time he has left.
“All I want” Jim tells his wife, “is to spend my last few hours reliving our honeymoon”. Witch is exactly what they did. But after four hours of blissful romance, she announces that she is tired and wants to go to sleep. “Oh come on” Jim whispers in her ear. “Look” his wife snaps, “I have got to get up in the morning. You do not”.
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Jim’s Doctor tells him he has only one day to live. When Jim goes home to share the bad news with his wife, she asks what he wants to do with the little bit of time he has left.
“All I want” Jim tells his wife, “is to spend my last few hours reliving our honeymoon”. Witch is exactly what they did. But after four hours of blissful romance, she announces that she is tired and wants to go to sleep. “Oh come on” Jim whispers in her ear. “Look” his wife snaps, “I have got to get up in the morning. You do not”.
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Most of the jokes in this section of the Electronic Magazine are not written by the webmasters. If you find the jokes offending, Souria.com does not assume any responsibility nor will it entertain any complaints regarding the jokes. They are not meant to be racist or offend anyone. If you would rather not read these jokes, please leave this section.
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