Two blondes were walking to Disney World. After 34 days of walking non-stop from Pennsylvania to Flordia, the smartest blonde of the two noticed a sign that read..."Disney World Left!" So they went home.
A blind guy walks into a bar and sits down. He asks the guy beside him "wanna hear a dumb blonde joke?". The guy says "hey i'm blonde, the bouncer's blonde, the bartenders blonde, the guy to the left of you is blonde, and the pro wrestler behind you is blonde, still wanna tell that dumb blonde joke?". "No I don't wanna have to explain it 5 times."
John was talking to his fiancee, Rebecca, and he said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"
To which she replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm."
"Really?" he said excitedly.
"Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition of the word 'warm'."
John was pleased until he went home and, just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, "WARM: Not so hot."
By: Ahmad Jandali
A nerd was walking on campus one day when his friend, another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.
The first nerd was stunned and asked, "Where did you get such a nice bike?"
The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want!'"
The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.
"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.
"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money.
The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."
The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court." said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Lester, "Ya know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as to where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Marie got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Marie didn't get pregnant again." Lester asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Billy Bob says, "This year, I'm taking Marie with me."
The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. "Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves".
"Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives. "For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000." Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but all the men nodded because they thought they understood. A few actually smirked. But the patient's daughter was unsatisfied and asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains"? "A standard pricing practice", said the head of the team. "Women's
brains have to be marked down because they have actually been used."
By: some chic...
a teacher asked one of her students to say the alphabet, so one boy came up and said "a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z."...the teacher was like: "where did the P go?" the student answered "its goin down my pants"...lol
ont time a homsi went to his shami friend to let the shami teach him how to let girls go with him so the shami took the homsi to a place where there are many girls and then the shami said"who ever can know the number i'm thinking on will go with me " one girl said "5" the shami said "true, come with me" when homsi went to homs he met some girls in the street so he asked them" who ever can know the number i'm thinking on will go with me " one girl said"11" homsi said " no 5"
What is the only similarity between the clothing store and Michael Jackson?
Boys pants - half off! lol
There is a good old barber in some city in the US.
One day a florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he
goes to pay the barber and the barber replies: "I am sorry. I
cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service." The
Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the
barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a
dozen roses waiting at his door. A policeman goes for a haircut
and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber
replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing
community service." The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The
next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank
you card and a dozen donuts door. A Syrian software engineer goes
for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut.
But the barber replies: "I am sorry. I cannot accept money from
you. I am doing community service." The Syrian software engineer
is happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to
open his shop, guess what he finds there... Can you guess? Do you
know the answer yet?
Come on, think like a Syrian....
A dozen Syrians waiting for a haircut....
By: some chic....
ur mama's so fat, when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas.
There is a German, an American and a Homsi in prison, with 3 choices to die. The first way is to get shot, the second is to get hung, and the last is to get injected with HIV. So the German says shot me right in the head, and they did. The American said hang me, and they did. The Homsi said inject me with HIV. The first time they injected him he started laughing. The second time he did the same. The third time the guards asked him why he was laughing. He said,"hahahahahaha,nothing happened cause i was wearing a condom