There was a big pothole some where in middle of Homs and all the Homsi people were falling in it and badly injuring them self, they didn't know how to avoid the injury. One day the Mayor of Homis called for immediate metting, and the result was to send the smartest Homsi to the best University in America to become an engineer and find the selution for that matter. The Homsi came back after 4 years and everyone was waiting there for him in the air port incloding the mayor. After a great night dinner the mayer goes to him, "tell me my dear son what did you learn? What would be the solution to avoid all the injurys from the pothole" The Homsi replied, "Mr Mayor the only solution to avoid all these injurys is to build a hospital next to that pothole:)))
There was a very bad theif. He wanted to steal a house. When he went to the house, he did not find anything to steal. So, he made a phone call to the U.S.A. and left the handset up, and went. Hahahahahhahaha
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrist's office. "What seems
to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I, uh..." she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee
is $80 an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
what do u call a fish with no eyes?
The Passing of Bill Gates
Bill Gates dies in a car accident. He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter.
"Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call; I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows '95. I'm going to do something I've never done before in your case; I'm going to let you decide where you want to go."
Bill replied, "Well, what's the difference between the two?"
St. Peter said, "I'm willing to let you visit both places briefly, if it will help your decision."
"Fine, but where should I go first?"
"I'll leave that up to you."
"Okay then," said Bill, "Let's try Hell first."
So Bill went to Hell. It was a beautiful, clean, sandy beach with clear waters and lots of bikini-clad women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about. The sun was shining; the temperature perfect. He was very pleased.
"This is great!" he told St. Peter. "If this is hell, I REALLY want to see heaven!"
"Fine," said St. Peter, and off they went.
Heaven was a place high in the clouds, with angels drifting about, playing harps and singing. It was nice, but not as enticing as Hell.
Bill thought for a quick minute, and rendered his decision.
"Hmmm. I think I'd prefer Hell," he told St. Peter.
"Fine," retorted St. Peter, "as you desire."
So Bill Gates went to Hell.
Two weeks later, St. Peter decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was doing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill, shackled to a wall, screaming amongst hot flames in dark caves, being burned and tortured by demons.
"How's everything going?" he asked Bill.
Bill responded, with his voice filled with anguish and disappointment, "This is awful! This is nothing like the Hell I visited two weeks ago! I can't believe this is happening! What happened to that other place, with the beautiful beaches, the scantily-clad women playing in the water?!???
"That was a demo version," replied St. Peter.
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A
blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it
overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband
gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on
the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the
end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR
stick, we'd be riding the bus ... "
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: ''Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you.''
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: ''Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die.''
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. ''Where are you?'' the man asked. ''Who are you?''
''I am your guardian angel,'' the voice answered.
''Oh yeah?'' the man asked... ''And where the hell were you when I got married?''
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
"Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent."
"One Cent?" the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, "How much for a nice juicy steak and
a bottle of wine?"
"A nickel," the barman replied.
"A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replied, "Upstairs, with my wife."
The man asked, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The bartender replied,
"The same thing I'm doing to his business down here."
She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset!
"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"
And he replied:
"Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened"
"Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"
And he began:
"Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty.
She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor
thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had
for a few years, but don't wear because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair like them.."
He took a quick breath and continued:
"She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said '"Please........do you have anything else that
your wife doesn't use?'
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell "crocodile?"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it s wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
A young Japanese girl had been taught all her life that when
She married she was to please her husband and never upset him.
So the first morning of her honeymoon the young Japanese
Bride crawled out of bed after making love, stooped down to pick up
her husband's clothes and accidentally lets out a big fart.
She looked up and said, "Aww so sowwy, excuse prease,
front hole so happy, back hole laugh out loud"
A lady visited her doctor one morning.
Doc said: You look so weak and xhausted! Are you having your meals 3 times a day as I advised?
Lady: Doc, I thought you said "3 MALES a day!"
A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud
towards him. The driver, a young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
and asked the shepherd... "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?" The
shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully grazing flock and calmly answered "sure".
The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page
on the internet where he called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a
response. Finally, he prints out a 130-page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You
have exactly 1586 sheep. "That is correct; take one of the sheep." said the shepherd. He watches the young man select
one of the animals and bundle it into his car.
Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my animal?", "OK, why not."
answered the young man. "Clearly, you are a consultant." said the shepherd. "That's correct." says the yuppie, "but how
did you guess that?" "No guessing required." answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although nobody called you. You
want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and you don't know anything about my business......
Now give me back my dog!”
one day a blonde walks into a bar and tells the owner that she wants to buy the T.V in there while pointing at it... so they guy tells her "we don't sell blondes in here." she went back home and dyed her red. she went to the bar again and asked for the same T.V... but the guy tells her "we don't sell blondes in here."... she went back home and dyed her hair black.. she went to the bar again and asks the guy for the same T.V again... so the guy reapeats for the third time "we don't sell blondes"..she got really pissed so she asked him.."i dyed my hair three times... how did u know that i'm a blonde?"....he told her..."you have been pointing at a microwave...not a T.V!!!"
Once the Homsies got together and everytime they get together they have to say the same jokes over and over. So they decided to number there jokes. One day they were sitting in the coffee shop and one guy got up and said joke number two so everyone started laughing anothere guy got up and said joke number twelve so everyone started laughting and stopped but one guy kept, didn't stop laughing so they were surprised. They asked him why are you still laghuing her replied because I never heard such a joke before