Latest News From Syria
Jokes Sorted by Rate (793 Available)
By: stalwart
there was this guy who went to homsi falafel shop. he said:
hey man can i get one falafel sandwich but without any tomatoes please??
the falafel guy said:
well, sorry we actually dont have tomatoes, would u like it with out lettuce instead??
lol!!!
Rate
there was this guy who went to homsi falafel shop. he said:
hey man can i get one falafel sandwich but without any tomatoes please??
the falafel guy said:
well, sorry we actually dont have tomatoes, would u like it with out lettuce instead??
lol!!!
Rate
By: Jenan
A Homsi woman went to the department store. She asked the salesman, "How much is that TV?" He replied, "I'm not going to sell it to you." Puzzled, she went and got her hair done and changed clothes. She came back and asked him again the price of the TV, getting the same response. So she got her hair died and came back. Again when she inquired about the TV he replied that he wouldn't sell it to her. So she bought a hat and sunglasses and a fake moustache. The man said, "I am STILL not going to sell it to you!". Taking off her glasses she asked him, "How do you know it's me???"
The salesman responded, "Because that's not a TV. It's a microwave
Rate
A Homsi woman went to the department store. She asked the salesman, "How much is that TV?" He replied, "I'm not going to sell it to you." Puzzled, she went and got her hair done and changed clothes. She came back and asked him again the price of the TV, getting the same response. So she got her hair died and came back. Again when she inquired about the TV he replied that he wouldn't sell it to her. So she bought a hat and sunglasses and a fake moustache. The man said, "I am STILL not going to sell it to you!". Taking off her glasses she asked him, "How do you know it's me???"
The salesman responded, "Because that's not a TV. It's a microwave
Rate
By: HOMSYYYYYY
A man has been living with a severe stutter for most of his life. He
finally decides to go to the doctor to see if his speech impediment can
be cured. The doctor examines the man and asks him to drop his pants.
Out pops a gigantic penis.
"The root of the problem," the doctor said, "is strain on your vocal
chords. The pull of gravity on your huge member is being transmitted up
to the neck area."
The patient asked, "W-w-w-well, wh-wh-at can be d-d-done ab-b-bout
it?"
"Modern surgery can work miracles," the doctor replied. "We can replace
your organ with one of perfectly average size. Your stutter will
disappear within hours of the operation."
The patient eagerly agreed to the surgery, and as promised his
stuttering disappeared. About 3 weeks later the man returned to the
doctor with a small complaint.
"Doctor, I am grateful to you for having cured me, but my wife really
misses my old penis. Rather than continue to disappoint her with this
average one, I've decided to get my old penis back and live with the
stuttering."
The doctor looked straight at the man and replied, "D-d-deal's a
d-d-deal."
Rate
A man has been living with a severe stutter for most of his life. He
finally decides to go to the doctor to see if his speech impediment can
be cured. The doctor examines the man and asks him to drop his pants.
Out pops a gigantic penis.
"The root of the problem," the doctor said, "is strain on your vocal
chords. The pull of gravity on your huge member is being transmitted up
to the neck area."
The patient asked, "W-w-w-well, wh-wh-at can be d-d-done ab-b-bout
it?"
"Modern surgery can work miracles," the doctor replied. "We can replace
your organ with one of perfectly average size. Your stutter will
disappear within hours of the operation."
The patient eagerly agreed to the surgery, and as promised his
stuttering disappeared. About 3 weeks later the man returned to the
doctor with a small complaint.
"Doctor, I am grateful to you for having cured me, but my wife really
misses my old penis. Rather than continue to disappoint her with this
average one, I've decided to get my old penis back and live with the
stuttering."
The doctor looked straight at the man and replied, "D-d-deal's a
d-d-deal."
Rate
By: CrEEp
John was talking to his fiancee, Rebecca, and he said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"
To which she replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm."
"Really?" he said excitedly.
"Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition of the word 'warm'."
John was pleased until he went home and, just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, "WARM: Not so hot."
Rate
John was talking to his fiancee, Rebecca, and he said, "Be honest, now, baby. How am I as a lover?"
To which she replied, "Honey, I would definitely say that you're warm."
"Really?" he said excitedly.
"Yes, in fact I would say that you're the dictionary definition of the word 'warm'."
John was pleased until he went home and, just for fun, checked his dictionary and found, "WARM: Not so hot."
Rate
By: safita guy
did u hear abt the blonde who shot an arrow towords the sky?................................ she missed!!!!!!
Rate
did u hear abt the blonde who shot an arrow towords the sky?................................ she missed!!!!!!
Rate
By: katia
What will a Homsi do after taking photocopies ? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes.
Rate
What will a Homsi do after taking photocopies ? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes.
Rate
By: MU
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling
around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
Rate
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked
about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, "There's no way I can be the father of this baby.
Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling
around behind my back?"
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time!"
Rate
By: Muhannad Khoja
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no
Rate
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no
Rate
By: Dana
homsi: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 12:30."
homsi: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the wierdest
thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get
a different answer."
Rate
homsi: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 12:30."
homsi: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the wierdest
thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get
a different answer."
Rate
By: Dana
A Homsi returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father.
-Son : 'Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Homsi?'
-Father : 'No son, that's because you are intelligent!'
The son seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question :
-'Dad today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1 to10 I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Homsi?'
-Father : 'No son that's because you are intelligent!'
Happy with the answer, son asks another question to his father :
-'Dad today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am Homsi?'
-Father : 'No son, that's because you are 21 years old.'
Rate
A Homsi returns from his first day at school and immediately questions his father.
-Son : 'Dad, today we had a Spelling Class - All the other kids could only say half the alphabet, but I knew the whole thing. Is that because I am Homsi?'
-Father : 'No son, that's because you are intelligent!'
The son seeming content with the answer, asks his father another question :
-'Dad today we had Math class - All the other kids could only count from 1 to10 I could count from 1 to 20. Is this because I am Homsi?'
-Father : 'No son that's because you are intelligent!'
Happy with the answer, son asks another question to his father :
-'Dad today we had Medical Examination, all the other boys were shorter than me, I was at least twice their height. Is that because I am Homsi?'
-Father : 'No son, that's because you are 21 years old.'
Rate
By: Homsanny
A six-year-old boy walked up to his father one day and announced, 'Daddy, I'd like to get married.' His father replied hesitantly, 'Sure, son, do you have anyone special in mind?'
'Yes,' answered the boy. 'I want to marry Grandma.'
'Now, wait a minute,' said his father. 'You don't think I'd let you get married with my mother, do you?'
'Why not?' the boy asked. 'You married mine.'
Rate
A six-year-old boy walked up to his father one day and announced, 'Daddy, I'd like to get married.' His father replied hesitantly, 'Sure, son, do you have anyone special in mind?'
'Yes,' answered the boy. 'I want to marry Grandma.'
'Now, wait a minute,' said his father. 'You don't think I'd let you get married with my mother, do you?'
'Why not?' the boy asked. 'You married mine.'
Rate
By: sheikh Sam from Dubai
The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies:
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position .
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over ).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
11: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as "Loretta" instead of "Steve"
Rate
The Best "Out-Of-Office" E-Mail Auto-Replies:
1: I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position .
2: I'm not really out of the office. I'm just ignoring you.
3: You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.
4: Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management
5: I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received.
6: Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.
7: The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again.'
( The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over ).
8: Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.
9: Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response.
10: Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages.
11: I've run away to join a different circus.
AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE:
12: I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons.
When I return, please refer to me as "Loretta" instead of "Steve"
Rate
By: Yazan
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. 'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY. 'Last night at
the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fuckin'
beautiful!''
Rate
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.'
'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. 'My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.'
She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY. 'Last night at
the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just fuckin'
beautiful!''
Rate
Disclaimer:
Most of the jokes in this section of the Electronic Magazine are not written by the webmasters. If you find the jokes offending, Souria.com does not assume any responsibility nor will it entertain any complaints regarding the jokes. They are not meant to be racist or offend anyone. If you would rather not read these jokes, please leave this section.
Electronic Magazine | Electronic Maps | Travel & Tourism | Souriaty Club | Chat Center | Discussion Rooms | News & Articles | Jokes